


The Time Has Come, the Walrus Said

by Luna (lunasky)



Category: Alias
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-04-04
Updated: 2003-04-04
Packaged: 2017-10-16 03:04:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/167740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunasky/pseuds/Luna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sydney tumbles down the rabbit hole.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Time Has Come, the Walrus Said

**Author's Note:**

> Dark. Written for the SD-1 April Fic Challenge. Takes place late Season 2.

**Part 1. Down the Rabbit Hole**

  
 _The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way, and then dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that Alice had not a moment to think about stopping herself before she found herself falling down a very deep well. Either the well was very deep, or she fell very slowly, for she had plenty of time as she went down to look about her and to wonder what was going to happen next._

Sydney sat down in one of the chairs around the conference table and pulled out the briefing folder that she had been given on her way in. She scanned it briefly and tried not to roll her eyes. She was not looking forward to this. She had so many other things she could be doing.

Around her other agents were filling into the briefing room. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Yeager; the Agent leading the investigation against Vaughn, come in and sit himself down in the corner. Shocked, she glanced up at Vaughn but he only smiled at her. Before she had a chance to ask him if he knew what was going on, Kendall walked in and demanded their attention.

She heard Kendall’s voice drone on in the background but she wasn’t listening. Her mind was racing through the various reasons why Yeager would be in their briefing when she looked up and saw the light fixture wobble.

She closed her eyes and shook her head in an attempt to clear her vision but after she opened her eyes again she realized that the wobbling had traveled to all the other objects around the room and Kendall was shouting loudly. Sydney tried to understand what he was saying but a loud crash distracted her.

 _There was not a moment to be lost: away went Alice like the wind, and was just in time to hear it say, as it turned a corner, `Oh my ears and whiskers, how late it's getting!'_

Sydney looked around and was startled to see herself in a field. The grass was yellow and dry and the air felt heavy and still. She looked around in all directions but she could see no landmarks or buildings of any kind. She was completely perplexed. She was pretty sure she hadn’t just been in this field, but she couldn’t quite remember where she had been either.

When she looked up into the sky to judge her direction she saw that there was no sun in the sky, only gray, undefined clouds. She felt the back of her neck tingle and had to fight the momentary surge of fear that coursed through her body.

 _Where was she?_

She felt a restless energy within her and she knew that she had to do something. So she set off walking at a brisk pace in the direction she happened to be facing.

Sydney walked and walked with no change in the scenery to mark her progress. She had realized that she had forgotten her watch today and so she had no way to mark the time. Howeverm her keen sense of timing which she had always depended on, seemed off as well. Her mind told her that she had been walking for hours but her body was not tired at all. She looked around at the unchanging landscape and she had to fight a momentary pang of panic, which shocked her. She never panicked. She had learned to control her fight or flight reactions a long time ago.

She pushed aside her thoughts and concentrated on placing one foot in front of the other. She had to. Every time she let herself think of the absurdness of her situation, the panic returned along with an insatiable desire to scream at the top of her lungs just so she could hear something.

Because that was something else she noticed. There were no birds chirping, no insects buzzing and no crickets creaking. There was no sound at all. In fact, she was hard pressed to hear herself as she stepped through the grass.

Finally she stopped. “This is ridiculous,” she said out loud before she could stop herself. But her voice sounded muted and hollow and her panic returned in force. She spun to her right and started to flee. She didn’t get more that a few paces though, before she saw a large stone wall a few hundred feet in front of her. The wall stretched parallel to the path she had been walking for as far as she could see, but she could have sworn that there had been no wall there a moment ago.

Her mind struggled to comprehend the contradictory sights that her eyes were relaying and finally she had to be content with just pushing her thoughts aside. She could make no sense out of anything that she had seen recently, so she continued her sprint to the wall. The wall seemed to approach her much faster than her feet were taking her, but she pushed aside those thoughts as well. When she reached the wall she stopped.

She had first assumed it to be a stone wall because it was gray, but upon closer inspection she noticed that it was perfectly smooth with no breaks or cracks within it. She lifted her hand to touch the wall because she was so mesmerized by its smoothness. As she placed her fingers on the wall she snapped her hand back immediately when she felt an intense burning pain. She stuck her finger in her mouth and as she nursed her burn, she lifted her other hand and put it close to the wall. She could feel no heat radiating from it. She moved her hand closer and closer until she was a whisper away from it, but still she felt nothing.

Sydney shook her head and stepped back from the wall. It was all very disorienting for her. She was a girl who trusted her senses without question but her body seemed to be giving her conflicting information. She didn’t know what to do.

“Well, I can’t just stand here…”she spoke to herself again without noticing. She picked the direction that she had originally been walking and continued in that direction, always keeping the wall in her peripheral sight.

Again Sydney continued to walk for what felt like hours, with no change in the scenery and no break in the wall. The light of the day remained at the same intensity and the air seemed to be pressing down on her shoulders.

Sydney stopped and crouched to the ground to relax for a time. The moments of panic were coming to her at closer and closer intervals and they were becoming harder to push away. She looked down at the yellow grass and inhaled deeply. The air smelled stale. As she regained control over her mind once again, she looked up and saw a bend in the wall.

Without stopping to think, Sydney sprinted to the corner. As she rounded the edge, she was astonished to see a large crowd gathered by what appeared to be a gate.

She couldn’t help herself. She raced to the crowd, happy to believe that she could put this craziness behind her.

As she approached the crowd, she felt its restlessness as she heard its muted voices fill the air. She looked around and was shocked to find that she recognized most of the people. She saw Kendall close to the wall trying to wave somebody down.

Relief flooded her system at the familiar face. She went towards him but as she was moving through the crowd she bumped into a short man. He didn’t seem to notice her and as she moved around him she noticed that it was Marshall.

“Marshall!” Sydney exclaimed as she hugged him, so happy to see a friendly face. Marshall looked up, but not at her and pulled a metal device from his pocket. Sydney stepped back, confused by his non-reaction to her and let him extend the device. She shook her head and stifled a small laugh. It looked like he held a Triquarter from an old episode of Star Trek in his hands. He held it at arms distance and it looked like he was scanning the environment that they were in, but he did it so seriously that the laugh died in Sydney’s throat.

A movement close to the gate caught Sydney’s attention and before she could stop her feet, she was pushing through the crowd to move closer to the gate. As she approached the entrance she saw a small stage set up with some stairs in the center so that people could ascend it. Sitting atop of the stage was a man that looked suspiciously like Yeager.

“That’s it.” Sydney said to herself as she forced her way closer to the stage. “I’m going to get this resolved once and for all!” She stomped up the stairs and went directly in front of Yeager.

“What the hell is going on here?” she demanded.

The man who looked suspiciously like Yeager turned his face fully towards her and she had to suppress a gasp. His face was the same, mostly, but his hair held no hint of gray; instead, it was jet black. He had a black beard as well that tapered to a point and his eyes were like coals burning in his eye sockets.

“Miss Bristow.” He exclaimed almost joyously. “How good of you to join us!” Small flames flickered in his eyes and Sydney had to bite back a scream. “Oh, it’s ok the scream Sydney. Most people do here. I’ve grown quite accustomed to it. In fact there are some screams that I find rather soothing, in a disturbing kind of way.”

Sydney tried to take a step back from the horror in front of her but she found that her feet were rooted to the floor. She was forced with no alternative but to voice the panic rising in her head. “W-where am I? Who are you? What are you doing here? What is everyone doing here?”

The man who looked like Yeager smiled at her and Sydney almost did scream. Instead of teeth, the man had fangs, but by far, worse of all, were the insects and maggots that were crawling around inside his mouth. “You are at the Gates of Hell Sydney. Where did you think you were? Where did you think bad people went when they died?”

 

 **Part 2. A Pool of Tears or a Mad Tea Party?**

  
 _`How doth the little crocodile improve his shining tail,  
And pour the waters of the Nile on every golden scale!  
`How cheerfully he seems to grin,  
How neatly spread his claws,  
And welcome little fishes in  
With gently smiling jaws!' _

Sydney felt her world spinning and she thought that for a moment this was all a cruel joke. Then she looked around and she saw that she was now standing next to Yeager instead of in front of him and she was facing the crowd. And then she saw Weiss approach the stage and she started to scream once more. “Why is everyone here? Are we all dead?”

The man who looked like Yeager turned to her, amused. “This is the End of Time Sydney. You should know that. You helped to bring it about.”

Weiss continued up the stage with his yo-yo in hand. When he got up on top he turned to the man and said with a jovial smile, “You must be the Devil. Hi! I’m Eric Weiss. Pleased to meet you.” He offered his other hand but the man who looked like Yeager declined it.

Sydney stared at Wiess, transfixed by the absurdness of it all. When she turned back to the man she thought was Yeager, she saw Satan in all his glory. Though he still looked like Yeager, now instead of a suit, he wore a red cape and his pointy tail curled around his legs. He was looking around before he spotted a long metal handle under some rose bushes that had appeared just off to the side of the stage. Sydney watched him reach for the handle. Once his grasp was firm, he whipped around to glare at Weiss, fire breathing out of his nose. The sight would have been impressive indeed except for the fact that Weiss burst out laughing.

Satan, obviously shocked, looked around to see what had interfered with Weiss’s desired response. His gaze stopped when it reached what he had thought was his pitchfork grasped firmly in his hand.

“What the HELL is this?!” screamed Satan, as he tossed the strange shovel aside.

Weiss was laughing so hard that he could not respond at first. Finally between guffaws, Weiss was able to spit out “I…It’s…it’s a spork! A giant spork!”. He then proceeded to laugh hysterically as two demons approached him from either side.

Satan glared at him, smoke now literally escaping from his ears. “Where’s my PITCHFORK! You measly… stupid, insignificant little brat!!!”

Weiss’s laughter finally subdued enough for him to straighten himself up. “April fool’s Lucifer!” he said. However, this triggered some more laughter on Weiss’s part.

Satan it appeared, was not amused and seemed to double in size. With smoke and flames coming out of all his orifices, he bellowed to the demons, “Take him to the third circle of hell where he can amuse Cerebus for Eternity!” The demons complied and took a still chuckling Weiss away into the gate.

“The third circle?” Sydney asked quietly, still unable to believe her eyes.

Satan turned back to her and waved a hand over her eyes. In that instant she saw Weiss chained to the grass in a pool of mud, while hail and sleet came down upon him relentlessly. She snapped her head away from the vision only to be greeted by one much worse.

 _I wish I hadn't cried so much!' said Alice, as she swam about, trying to find her way out. `I shall be punished for it now, I suppose, by being drowned in my own tears! That WILL be a queer thing, to be sure! However, everything is queer to-day.'_

Sark, Sloane and her mother approached her on the stage. Sloane and her mother stood before Satan while Sark knelt down and kissed his hand. Satan responded by caressing Sark’s cheek and smiling at him fondly. “Ah, my little Cherub. I see you have served me well. These two will be the prizes of my collection!”

Sark smiled at Satan adoringly and sat himself down by his feet. Sloane bowed down to Satan, his eyes hard and emotionless. Irina on the other hand let a lone tear escape her eyes before she too bowed down.

Sydney felt tears start to well up in her eyes as she saw the chains of damnation slip around her mother’s wrists, but instead of being made of fire, they were chains of ice. Sloane seemed to drink in the cold and before it took him over completely he opened his mouth in exaltation. Irina stared at the frozen figure of Sloane and dropped to her knees.

“I’m not begging for mercy from you Satan, I knew what I was doing from the beginning. I am only falling before you now because my body is simply too weak for my mind!”

Satan laughed and smiled at her. “Of course Irina. Your mind is unlike anyone else’s I have ever encountered. You will be my Queen in Hell and we will reign forever!”

Irina spat in his face. “I didn’t do it for you.”

Satan looked at her amused. “No, you certainly did not. But you did it all the same, didn’t you?”

Her mouth hardened into a thin line before the ice claimed her completely. Sydney could have sworn that just as her mother turned to ice she looked right at her.

“MOM!” Sydney cried as some more demons came to take them away.

Lucifer turned to her once again. “They cannot see you Sydney, don’t you understand? That is part of their punishment.”

Sydney moaned in despair.

 _Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it?' said the March Hare.  
`Exactly so,' said Alice.  
`Then you should say what you mean,' the March Hare went on.  
`I do,' Alice hastily replied; `at least--at least I mean what I say--that's the same thing, you know.' _

Sydney opened her eyes again as she saw another figure approach the stage. “No, no, no, no!” she whispered to herself over and over again until the hunched vision of her father focused in front of her.

“Dad!” she cried, but he did not acknowledge her. Instead he looked at Satan wearily and demanded to know his fate.

Satan sighed at the broken man in front of him, the elation gone from his eyes. “You will be going to the Eighth Circle of hell. You were not just a murderer Jack but you also a Fraud. You lied when it suited you, you stole when you wanted to. You lived your life as lie Jack and now you will spend eternity with others just like you.”

Jack hung his head as Sydney cried out. “But he’s not a bad man! I swear he’s not!”

Satan looked back at her with his black, endless eyes. “You didn’t always thinks so, Sydney. You know, I listened all those times you damned him for the lies he told you.”

“But…but…” Sydney stuttered as her father was taken away.

 _She had quite forgotten the Duchess by this time, and was a little startled when she heard her voice close to her ear. `You're thinking about something, my dear, and that makes you forget to talk. I can't tell you just now what the moral of that is, but I shall remember it in a bit.'  
`Perhaps it hasn't one,' Alice ventured to remark.  
`Tut, tut, child!' said the Duchess. `Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it.' And she squeezed herself up closer to Alice's side as she spoke._

“Sydney…” Satan whispered in her ear. She was forced to open her eyes once again. The sky was still overcast and a throng of nameless faces that she knew awaited at the bottom of the stage. “Sydney….” The whispering made her cringe in revulsion but she was still rooted to the spot. She had no choice but to allow it to continue. “Shall we bring up the next one?”

 _No!_ she wanted to scream with every last breath that she had, although absurdly her mind wondered if she now had any breath at all. She settled for hugging herself closely and trying to avert her eyes.

However, the figure that approached next, forced her to crumble to her knees in despair. Michael Vaughn appeared at the end of the stage. His face was aglow with light and two beautiful wings extended out from his back. He approached Satan with a righteous look on his face, like a martyr about to be executed. Satan followed suit by approaching him like an executioner. Sydney cried out in agony, but neither man halted their progress.

“And you Michael Vaughn, what do you have to say for yourself.”

“I would do it all again.”

At that moment, four angels appeared behind him, their multi-layered wings shimmering in the air. With their faces impassive, one forced Vaughn to his knees while the other three tore the wings from his back.

“But he’s done nothing wrong!” screamed Sydney, forcing Satan to look back at her. The angels completed their task and stepped back. They rose through the air as streaks and vanished.

Michael Vaughn lay broken and bleeding on the ground.

“Of course he has Sydney. Don’t you remember? He’s killed people for you. That makes him a murderer.”

“What are you talking about?” Sydney asked in confusion, her mind still reeling from the horror.

Satan smiled and waved a hand back over her eyes. Suddenly Sydney was transported back in time to the SD-6 garages, the night McKenas Cole raided the offices. She saw Vaughn look into a man’s eyes and shoot him in the stomach. The scene then changed back to their dinner in France and she saw herself on her knees with her hands on top of her head. Vaughn was kneeling next to her before he grabbed the knife from his boot and slit their captor’s throat.

The scenes faded and Sydney was left trembling on the stage. Satan smiled. “And those were only a few examples, though I must admit they were my favorite.”

“But he did those for me! He gained nothing from doing that--”

“You know that’s not true Sydney. He gained your trust and eventually your love.”

Sydney was left speechless and Satan turned back to Vaughn. Vaughn’s chin was lifted slightly in pride. Satan chuckled. “You’re lucky that pride is a small sin compared to murder my friend. But keep that chin up, you will need it to breathe when you are submerged in hot blood for eternity.”

Vaughn glared at Satan but his pride did not diminish.

Satan chuckled again. “Don’t worry, I can’t destroy your memories, those have been permanently imprinted on your soul, but that’s all you’ll ever have now.”

Vaughn stumbled up and turned on his own accord before the demons came to take him away. Sydney burst into hysterical tears.

“Oh don’t cry too much Sydney. Now it’s your turn.”

 

  
 **Part 3. Through the Looking Glass**

 _Come, there's no use in crying like that!' said Alice to herself, rather sharply; `I advise you to leave off this minute!' She generally gave herself very good advice, (though she very seldom followed it)… `But it's no use now,' thought poor Alice, `to pretend to be two people! Why, there's hardly enough of me left to make ONE respectable person!'_

  
Sydney was transported directly in front of Satan at center stage. She found herself staring directly into his horrible eyes and she fought the urge to tremble openly. Suddenly off to her right a small green man approached them slowly but it was only when he spoke that she recognized him.

“I sense much anger in her.” Yoda said to Satan.

Satan nodded as Yoda looked her over. Sydney had no choice but to allow his examination of her, though she felt like a piece of meat up for sale.

“But I’m not a bad person!” Sydney cried in her defense, though that defense had not worked when she’d spoken it earlier for her father or Vaughn.

Yoda looked at her directly and continued. “Much anger and much fear inside her.”

“Is that any excuse for the things that she’s done?” Satan asked.

Yoda shook his head. “No. For anger and fear are what always lead us down the dark path.”  
Sydney looked at them both in disbelief. But she had no time to ponder the words of the Jedi Master or the meaning of Satan waving his hand in front of her eyes before she was transported once again.

 _Alice felt that this could not be denied, so she tried another question. `What sort of people live about here?'  
`In THAT direction,' the Cat said, waving its right paw round, `lives a Hatter: and in THAT direction,' waving the other paw, `lives a March Hare. Visit either you like: they're both mad.'  
`But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.  
`Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'  
`How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.  
`You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.' _

  
Sydney opened her eyes and found herself in a small round room; it was probably no more than 5 paces across. She looked around it quickly but there was nothing to see. There was no door and there were no windows, but the walls seemed to be made of the same smooth, cold gray that she had seen somewhere else before. She brought her hand up to touch the wall, mesmerized by its smoothness but she pulled her hand back before touching it. She remembered suddenly that she had done this before and that it had brought her great pain.

She fell down to her knees in the cold, colorless room as pictures filled her mind. The image of the angels ripping those beautiful wings off of Vaughn’s back haunted her along with the memories of the demons taking her parents away. She cried and tried to hug herself for comfort

After some time she looked back up and was shocked to see a large, gold framed mirror on the wall in front of her. She looked at it curiously, she could have sworn that it had not been there when she had last looked. Also, and even more curiously, it sat flush against the curved wall and yet when she looked into the mirror she saw no distortion in her reflection.

“Where did you come from?” she practically wailed as she felt the madness taking its toll on her.

Surprisingly (or not, anymore) a face that was not her own appeared in the mirror and spoke.

“Oh dear girl, I show the truth,  
often overlooked in the bloom of youth.”

Sydney felt a momentary flash of pride as she managed to stop herself from sobbing openly. “Well, I don’t know why a talking mirror should bother me after everything else I’ve seen today. Can you show me anything?”

The face in the mirror nodded regally.

“Fine. Show me my father.” She demanded.

The face in the mirror wrinkled its face in disgust and then shrugged shoulders that it didn’t have. “Well if you’re going to be like that!” the face spoke as if insulted. “I would have settled for anything that rhymed. I’m not demanding. It’s not like you had to start with Mirror, Mirror on the wall or anything!”

Sydney stared at the mirror in confusion, which only frustrated the face even more.

“You know! Snow White? The evil queen? Any of this ring a bell?”

“Yes, of course, but I’m not going to rhyme my sentences for you. It’s bad enough that I’m talking to--” Sydney stopped herself as she realized that not only was she talking to a mirror, she was now arguing with it. “Show me my father.” She repeated firmly.

Through the mirror she saw a small room, similar to the one she was in except that it was square. There were several people in it, some sitting on the floor, some talking to each other. Her father stood in the corner facing the wall.

She saw a raggedy man with few teeth approach him. “Well you can’t stay alone in here you know. We’re all in here together.” Her father continued to look at the wall.

Another man, smaller and sickly looking, approached her father from the other direction. But instead of stopping by his side, he squeezed himself between Jack and the wall. “Hez right yu’know,” he slurred.

Jack turned around so that he was facing the room and the first man danced around him. “You think you’re so much better than us don’t you? Don’t you? Smarter maybe? But you’re not!”

Jack finally looked at the man directly, but his stare didn’t stop him from dancing. “You think you’re a martyr don’t you? Did it all for your girl? Did it matter? Did it matter?”

“Of course it did.” Jack responded plainly, lifting his chin in pride.

“No, it didn’t, no it didn’t,” heckled the dancing man as he spun around Jack.

“Hez right. Didn’t madder. She nev’r forgave you. You lied to hur too offen,” the second man chimed in.

The dancing man chuckled as he finally stopped his dancing around Jack. “Right I am. Of course I am! You didn’t help her, you caused her pain. You took away her choices in life! You programmed her to be a spy and she will never forgive you for that!”

The chuckling and the dancing resumed as they tossed about all the horrible things she had ever said to her father. She watched, transfixed as their battering began to wear away his pride until he fell on the floor and put his face in his hands.

Sydney had to turn away as she heard them heckle “…Who are you to come and act like her father? If you wanted to help her, you would have stayed away from her... She'd like to believe you, but she doesn't trust anything you say!”

She sat down in the middle of the floor, with her knees bent up so she could rest her head on them. She heard her words rephrased and used to beat her father and she cried.

 _`I quite agree with you,' said the Duchess; `and the moral of that is--"Be what you would seem to be"--or if you'd like it put more simply--"Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise."'_

After some time, Sydney regained her courage and went back up to the mirror. The face reappeared and looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

“Show me Vaughn.” She demanded hoarsely.

The face looked at her skeptically and then faded away without argument. She saw darkness fill the mirror and for a second, she didn’t know what she was looking at. And then she saw that it wasn’t darkness that covered the mirror, it was blood. Deep, dark red blood. And in the middle of the pool of blood was Vaughn, submerged and drowning. She saw him struggle and flail about trying to get air until finally, he managed to break through the surface and take a deep breath. She saw centaurs standing on the shore with incredibly long whips that they used on his face until he resubmerged again.

Sydney covered her face and fell to her knees.

It was some time before she was able to look up at the mirror again, but the sight of Vaughn had vanished. She grabbed the mirror by the edges so tightly that her knuckles started to turn white.

“Ow!” cried the face in the mirror, reappearing with a grimace.

“Show me Vaughn again. I need to see him again.”

The mirror shook his head sadly. “Sorry, laddie. I can only show you each scene once.”

Sydney clasped the mirror even harder and her face twisted in desperation.

“Ouch! Stop that!” the mirror cried. “Ok, ok! Maybe I can show you something else…”

The face dissolved and the scene returned to the dark, murky red of before. But this time she didn’t see Vaughn floating in the middle.

“Where is he?” she practically screamed at the mirror. The face returned briefly superimposed over the scene as it lifted a disembodied finger to its mouth, in a gesture to indicate that Sydney should stop talking.

Sydney closed her mouth and allowed the silence to settle around her. That’s when she realized that there was actually another voice in the room. Vaughn’s voice. But it was very quiet and disjointed.

“I love you Sydney…”

“I love you some much Sydney…”

“aggh…pain…”

“…I love you Sydney…”

Sydney stared in horror at the mirror, as she watched the scene change and the sky slowly appeared. Then she saw the whip coming towards her and she flinched as she saw it hit the mirror. Then she understood. She was seeing this through Vaughn’s eyes. She was listening to his thoughts.

“Ahhhhhhhhh!” she heard his scream and gurgles as he was forced back under. “I love you Sydney….oh God, how I love you…memories, he can’t take them away from me…”

She stood transfixed as she listened to his thoughts and then watched him resurface for another gulp of air, only to be whipped once again. Over and over again, the cycle repeated itself.

 _‘I love the zamboni’ – breath – whip!_

 _I love you Sydney – breath – whip!_

 _‘How come you never call me Michael? I do sometimes. Vaughn?’ – breath – whip!_

 _I love you Sydney – breath – whip!_

 _‘You know any jokes? 'Cause I could use one. Well, Phil is certainly no funnier than Doug.’ – breath – whip!_

 _I love you Sydney – breath – whip!_

 _‘Coming home with you after the game is my favorite part.’ - breath – whip!_

 _I love you Sydney – breath – whip!_

 _‘I'll see you when I get back.’ – breath – whip!_

 _I love you Sydney – breath – whip!_

 _‘Vaughn, can I tell you something?’ – breath – whip!_

Finally Sydney could stand it no longer and she collapsed on the floor. Was that all he had to remember of her, while he drowned for eternity?

Images of her father being taunted by her harsh words and Vaughn being sustained by her weak words assailed her. And as she clenched her fist until her nails dug into her flesh and she beat the floor until her hand ached. Then she understood the meaning of her own hell.

 

 **Part 4. Advice from a Caterpillar**

  
 _`Who are YOU?' said the Caterpillar.  
This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice replied, rather shyly, `I--I hardly know, sir, just at present-- at least I know who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.' _

  
Sydney cried until she was drained and then she looked down at her fist and saw that it was all red and swollen. But at least the ache in her hand was one that she was well familiar with and knew how to handle. She fell from her knees and sat on the floor in the center of her round room. She glanced around and noticed that the mirror was gone and the room was empty again. She dropped her head to the floor and wrapped her uninjured arm around her eyes.

She lay like that for hours or for an eternity, she couldn’t quite tell, until she smelled a peculiar smell and was forced to look around. After her eyes had adjusted to the light (her mind didn’t even bother trying to determine where that was coming from!) she looked around only to find probably the most peculiar sight that she had to yet to see.

Atop a giant pink and peach colored mushroom sat a large purple caterpillar smoking a pipe. He seemed to be quite comfortable because his many arms were relaxed and he was blowing smoke rings lazily around the room.

Sydney sat up, numb with shock and emotionally drained and stared at the sight in front of her.

The caterpillar took a deep breath from his pipe and let three concentric smoke rings fly from his mouth. He stared at Sydney in return. After a few moments he spoke. “It’s rude to stare, you know.”

Sydney looked at him indignantly before standing up and approaching him. That a three foot caterpillar had suddenly appeared atop a multicolored mushroom in a doorless and windowless room did not surprise her. She had accepted that madness was to be a part of her punishment.

“What are you doing here?” Sydney asked plainly and exhausted.

The caterpillar continued to look at her and he inhaled several more times on his pipe before he answered. “I’m here to ask questions and receive answers. What are YOU doing here?”

Sydney dropped her head in weariness. “I suppose I’m here to learn about feeling helpless,” she answered with uncertainty. Her heart was still breaking from her earlier visions.

The caterpillar shook his head sadly. “No, I’m afraid that’s not it. That’s not it at all!”

Sydney looked at him with sadness and anger. “Then why I am here? Am I not in hell because of all the horrible things I’ve done? Isn’t part of my punishment to watch the punishment of those that I care about most? And not being able to do anything to help them?”

“How come,” the caterpillar asked slowly, ignoring her question, “you did not ask the Mirror to show you your mother Sydney?”

Sydney put her hands against the mushroom and leaned her head on her arms. The caterpillar waited patiently while Sydney examined her own motivations and she found that the answers she was coming up with did not please her overly much. Finally after much thinking she said, “I guess I didn’t ask to see her because I couldn’t bear how it would make me feel. She’s a horrible person and she deserves all that she’s gotten and I couldn’t bear to feel horrible for her suffering as well.”

“I see,” said the caterpillar.

“Well, I don’t.” Sydney said crossly, angry at the caterpillar for brushing her answer aside. It had cost her more than she cared to admit to say that out loud.

The caterpillar inhaled deeply from his pipe and let smoke rings go as he spoke. “To speak plainly,” he puffed in her face, “you are a coward.”

Sydney stared at the caterpillar full of righteous fury. Her heart had just been torn to pieces and now to add insult to injury she was being insulted. “Leave me alone!” she demanded.

But the caterpillar only tilted his round head to the side and crossed all but two of his arms in front of his body and continued speaking. “You let your fear condemn the people you love, for faults that you yourself possess. Does that not make you a coward?”

Sydney turned away, but she could not stop his words from reaching her ears.

“Why did you stop yourself from touching the smooth wall before?”

Sydney turned back around. “Because it hurt me the last time I touched it!” she exclaimed in frustration.

The caterpillar leaned back on his mushroom and ran his hand along the wall behind him. It seemed to cause him no pain, though he did bring his hand up to his mouth. Sydney stared at him in bewilderment as he licked his fingers in enjoyment. “And so you deny your mother and father your love because each of them has hurt you in the past. Do their previous sins make them unworthy of your love?”

“I don’t know.” Sydney shook her head in frustration. “My father was just trying to protect me, I guess. But my mother would have traded my life for a Rambaldi object, anytime.”

“Do you know that for sure?” The caterpillar asked, raising his eyebrow.

“Look if there’s one thing I know is that my mother is an evil person!” Sydney practically shouted.

The caterpillar let out a sigh. “You assume that because they were capable of hurting you before that they would hurt you again.” He puffed on his pipe a few more times as he let the words sink into her head. “And what about Vaughn? He has never hurt you, has he? Well, perhaps he kept a few secrets from you I guess, but that’s not it, is it? No, Vaughn’s crime against you was merely to love you after Danny and Noah hurt you. So therefore, since other man have caused you pain, he is capable of it himself. And for his crime of being a man, you have damned him to eternal agony. You may call this self-protection, Sydney. But I think I will call you a coward.”

Sydney stood transfixed, listening to the caterpillar, knowing that deep down the words he said were true. And that in some way she had helped to build their torture here in hell by denying them the only thing they ever wanted from her. The thing that she could have given freely to them all, if only she had allowed herself to.

 _Cheshire Puss,' she began, rather timidly, `Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?'  
`That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat.  
`I don't much care where--' said Alice.  
`Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat._

“What do you want from me?” Sydney asked exhausted.

The caterpillar raised his eyebrows and looked at her peculiarly. “What do you want from yourself?” he said sternly.

Sydney almost laughed out loud. “You’ve got to be kidding me right?” But the caterpillar continued to look at her and she felt like she had no choice but to answer. “I want to take their place in hell. If I’m going to suffer I want to know that I suffer without regrets for what I’ve done.”

“Is that what you really want?” the caterpillar asked doubtfully.

Sydney crossed her arms across her chest. “No. What I really want to is go back and change it all so that none of this happens.”

“Go back where?” asked the caterpillar.

Sydney looked at him frustrated. “Home! Where else would I like to go? I wish I could go home and I wish that none of this happened. I wish I could have the chance to get rid of all my regrets.”

The caterpillar put down his pipe. “Home, you say? Well if home is where you want to go, your ruby slippers could have brought you there any time you wished.”

Sydney looked down at her feet, ready to believe that she did indeed have a pair of ruby slippers on but instead she had on her plain leather boots. She looked back up at the caterpillar and he laughed quietly. “Sorry just a mean little trick I know, but it’s April Fool’s day, after all. Now close your eyes and tap your heel together three times. I believe you know what to say.”

Sydney glared at the caterpillar, unwilling to be made the fool of again today. So she tapped her heels together and said sarcastically, “There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home.”

 

To her surprise, the prison around her started to shimmer. Sydney looked about frantically, trying to stop her panic from rising again, when she noticed that it was raining. The rain appeared to be coming from the ceiling but it seemed to be dissolving the walls around it. Like a washed out canvas, the scene before her started to melt away. The caterpillar looked up into the sky that was now visible and then turned to look at her one last time. “Well what did you expect Sydney, they were only made of sugar anyway,” he chuckled, as the rain melted him as well.

Sydney looked up into the gray, cloudless sky and felt the rain wash away the tears that had dried on her face. She wanted to cry in anticipation and yet shuddered in fear, but her cries for redemption were heard.

 _The White Rabbit put on his spectacles. `Where shall I begin, please your Majesty?' he asked.  
`Begin at the beginning,' the King said gravely, `and go on till you come to the end: then stop.' _

Sydney stared at the gray ceiling, feeling the rain against her face. Her head felt heavy and her vision slightly out of focus. But then from out of nowhere she heard a familiar voice and she almost cried out loud.

“Hey, I think she’s coming around!”

There was some shuffling around her and then another voice spoke. “I think you’re right. Thanks Weiss. Go get Jack and let him know.”

“Sure thing. Man, I wish these damn sprinklers would turn off though!”

Sydney opened her eyes to a face she thought she would never see again. And he was smiling at her.

“Vaughn—” she managed to croak out from a throat that was too dry to cooperate willingly. She tried to look around, but his strong hand stopped her.

“Syd,” he said tenderly, caressing her cheek softly. “You hit your head. You’ve been unconscious for a few hours. You shouldn’t move your head around…”

Sydney brushed off his concern and tried to sit up. Vaughn seemed to know that she was not going to listen to him so he merely helped her sit up more comfortably.

She looked around in shock. They were still in the conference room but water was coming down from the sprinklers. Several of the light fixtures were dangling lopsided from the ceiling and a third one sat broken on the floor. A few ceiling panels were strewn about and a few chairs were overturned. The door to the room was ajar and she could see similar chaos in the hallway.

“What happened?”

Vaughn looked about sheepishly. “Would you believe an earthquake?” he said. “It seems that we are equipped to chase terrorists and out maneuver foreign agents, but Mother Nature will always have her way with us.”

Sydney tried to shake her head in disbelief but she settled for holding her forehead while her vision whirled before her. When her sight finally stabilized, she was greeted to a sight so sweet she thought that she might yet be redeemed.

Vaughn had removed his tie and jacket and rolled up his shirtsleeves. The water had drenched him and was starting to accumulate on the floor, but it caused his hair to stick up slightly in the back. He sat there looking at her with concern, but with a small smile on his face because he knew she was going to be ok.

A vision of him lying broken on the floor of a stage, with angels around him ripping the wings off of his back, flashed before her eyes and she couldn’t stop herself from trembling. She leaned forward suddenly and buried her face in his chest as she began to sob uncontrollably.

“Shh, it’s ok Syd. We’re all ok. There’s been some structural damage to the building but being in the basement helped us. We’re gonna be stuck here for a little while but—”

Sydney covered his mouth with her hand and leaned her forehead against his. “I love you, so much,” she said before he could say another word. She dropped her hand from his mouth, praying that he would respond to her. Instead his mouth twisted into a goofy grin.

His eyes sparked as his grin widened. “Really?” he asked. Sydney couldn’t help but smile in return.

“Really.”

His face turned serious for a moment as he looked her over. “I don’t know if I should be a little worried that you only say this to me after you’ve been hit in the head but…”

Sydney smacked him playfully on his arm but he continued. “I mean you might have brain damage or something…” She made to smack him again, but his face broken back into the silly grin. He lifted his hand up to brush away the wet hair from her face and he caressed her cheek slowly. “I guess what I mean to say is, I love you too Sydney.”

He leaned forward and kissed her sweetly on the lips.

Their kiss was interrupted when the water stopped beating down on their heads. They looked around as they heard some people shuffling around them and a familiar person leaned down next to her. Vaughn got up reluctantly to let her father sit down next to her.

“Daddy!” Sydney exclaimed as she leaned forward and practically tackled her father in an embrace. To say that Jack was surprised would have been an understatement, but he managed to hug her back slightly.

“Sweetheart, I’m glad you’re ok. How’s your head?”

Sydney rubbed it a little but smiled. “I’m ok.”

“I’m glad,” Jack Bristow said as he managed a small genuine smile for his daughter.

Sydney took it as all the encouragement she needed before she hugged him tightly again. “I love you Dad,” she said quietly.

Because she was still hugging him, she could not see the shocked expression on her father’s face as he tried to formulate an answer. But her hugging did not relent and for the first time in almost twenty years, Jack Bristow really hugged his daughter back. “I love you too sweetheart,” he whispered back.

When she finally pulled back, she managed a small laugh at their predicament and Jack laughed with her. “At least Marshall managed to turn off the damn sprinklers.” He removed his soaking suit jacket, and hung it off of a nearby chair.

“Is everyone else alright?” Sydney asked concerned.

Jack nodded. “Yes, except for you, we were all pretty lucky. By the time we understood what was happening, a ceiling tile came loose and hit you directly on the head. It was the strangest thing, really. But everyone else is ok.”

Sydney looked around at the people milling about. “I meant to ask as the meeting was starting, but Kendall walked in. Why was Yeager in this meeting? Vaughn was cleared on all the charges.”

Jack looked at Sydney with concern. “Agent Yeager wasn’t at the meeting Sydney. Are you sure you’re ok?”

Sydney brushed off her father’s concern. “Of course he was in the meeting, he came in right before Kendall did and he sat in that corner.” Sydney pointed to the corner across from her.

Jack looked about and then back to Sydney with concern. “Sydney, Yeager went back to Washington last week. Trust me, he wasn’t at the meeting. Does your head hurt or anything?”

Sydney shook her head slightly and then stood up slowly with her father’s help.

Just then the lights started to flicker.

Her father turned to look at her—

—flicker— _Right I am. Of course I am! You didn’t help her, you caused her pain. You took away her choices in life!_

—flicker— “Are you ok Sydney?”

—flicker— _…Who are you to come and act like her father? If you wanted to help her, you would have stayed away from her..._

—flicker— “I’m fine Dad.” Sydney rubbed her forehead in panic. Her father saw this and moved towards her.

—flicker— Sydney threw herself into her father’s arms. “I’m so sorry Daddy. For all the horrible things I’ve ever said to you. I’m so sorry. I just wanted you to know that.”

—flicker— “I do Sydney, don’t worry.” Her father gave her a small half smile. “And I love you, sweetheart. I’m sorry that it’s taken us so long to be able to say that.”

—flicker— “Wait a second, I think I got it!” yelled out Weiss, from the adjoining utilities room.

The lights came back on steady and Sydney looked around. She spotted Vaughn and Weiss in the utility room so she gave her father another quick hug before going to join them.

“See I told you I’m more MacGyver than you are!” Weiss exclaimed laughing.

“I hardly think that counts!” Vaughn replied half-joking.

Sydney poked her head in the closet. “What are you guys talking about?”

Weiss turned to her laughing. “Well Vaughn over here thought he could fix the lights with his screwdriver, but ha! I fixed it with my spork! I think that wins me more MacGyver points…” Weiss trailed off as he saw the look on Sydney’s face. Apparently Vaughn saw it as well because within seconds he had her in his arms.

Weiss stared at her speechless and completely confused. “I’m sorry Sydney, I didn’t think my utensil antics were cause for a breakdown or anything…I mean…um April fool’s Sydney, I was just kidding about the whole spork thing, actually Vaughn fixed the lights with his screwdriver so everything’s ok right?” Weiss trailed off as he realized he was babbling.

After a moment Sydney managed to wipe off her face and she looked at him wearily. “I’m sorry Weiss, it had nothing to do with your utensil or anything, I promise. It was sweet of you to say it was a joke, though. But I think the truth of the matter is that I’ve been a fool for a very long time when it comes to certain things. But I think this April Fool’s Day, I’ve finally caught on.”

She smiled at him in an attempt to lighten the mood, but Weiss just backed away. He tried to convince himself that he was just giving the two love birds a little room but the truth of the matter was that she had left him feeling slightly unsettled. Maybe it was that the smile she had given him seemed a tad out of place or that the strange look in her eyes had spoken of too much madness that had been seen, but for an odd moment there, she had reminded him of the Cheshire Cat from an old childhood tale. Weiss shook his head and wondered why such nonsense had just jumped into his head.

**Author's Note:**

> References: (who owns what!)
> 
> Alias characters: JJ Abrams / Bad Robot Productions  
> Quotes and Caterpillar are from Lewis Carroll's Alice in Wonderland  
> Tricorders: owned by Paramount Pictures  
> Circles of Hell: from Dante's Divine Comedy  
> Yoda: owned by George Lucas  
> Ruby slippers that take you home when you tap your heels together: owned by L. Frank Baum  
> MacGyver: owned by Paramount pictures


End file.
